Rain
November7
The clouds darkened and thunder began to roar. It felt like the whole house and its surroundings were becoming gray and scary.
Then out of no where a single water droplet from the sky fell and landed on our deck outside, but then in time at all more fell and it wouldn’t stop. It was like darts of water coming down to you.
As the rain kept pouring more and more, the sound of the rain began to sound like uncooked popcorn kernels pelting to the ground. The thunder would not keep quiet and soon lightning began to arrive.
Without even thinking, out of no where bright flashes would appear outside your window. The lightning literally lit up the whole sky when dark came.
The simplicity of that first line is powerful, I think because it is followed by such vivid imagery captured in more complex, detailed sentences. The paragraphing creates an effective progression through the worsening storm. Well done!
I love the thought of lightning arriving as if it was a person. I also love the simile of the rain being like uncooked popcorn!
Wow! I loved the way you descried the thunder. It was beyond descriptive, and it made me feel like if I was there. It was beyond good, and you should keep describing like that it makes the audience more intrigued. Trust me!
coming from: http://www.olsschool.org/roar
Beautiful! Great description! I really like, ” the thunder began to roar”, that was great. You’re a great writer!